Monday, November 23, 2020
Hi, welcome to my first blog post!
I figure you'll have the chance to get to know me as we journey together, so for now:
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Hi, my name is Sylvia.
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Over the past years, I have griped to come to terms with my calling as a Christian and human in general. I feel as though I have the honor and challenge of being talented in many things, so it's hard to stick to just one (jack of many trades master of none). One passion of mine started in high school and kind of ended in college during my second writing course.
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In the first course, I could not grasp the art of writing in a higher learning environment. At least that's what I inferred when I continuously received Cs. Coming from being an 'A' student in high school, that was hard for me. It would probably be hard on anyone if they, essentially, had to write papers every day, and every day the papers weren't good enough.
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At the end of that semester, I tried to come to terms with it using the college proverb "Cs make degrees". Unfortunately, I was in a scholarship program taking a course that would not apply to my degree (not my choice). In my second semester, when I took the course that I needed, I got a particularly challenging teacher who on the first assignment failed half of the class. The best assignment got a 'C'. Congruently half of the students in that class dropped it by midterms, including me.
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Was I a wuss in the situation? Maybe. Should I have stuck the class out and given it my best shot? Probably. From my perspective though, within that first semester, I dealt with a lot of things and didn't have a strong support team. The solid thing to do in my mind was to drop the course and deal with it a different semester.
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(Btw if you're planning on going to college or doing life in general, GET A SUPPORT TEAM. We'll talk about that later.)
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I wrote after that, mainly during devotional, emails, or journaling. It wasn't the same though. I lost the passion and zeal in it. I can't tell you how many times I rolled my eyes behind closed lids or grimaced when someone would mention writing in my future when going up for prayer or a prophetic word.
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After a while, I stopped writing. Well in my own time at least. I still had to write for work and such. I didn’t want to continue writing if my writing wasn't going to be considered good enough. I didn’t want to put emotion, energy, thought, and time into something that would lead to embarrassment for me because that's what every C felt like. I didn't want to be mocked and the butt of someone's joke (even if it never crossed their lips), after being someone the teacher held in what seemed to be high regard.
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(Do you peep the anxiety peeking through?)
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Here I am though. Writing to you.
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In all honesty, I enjoy writing. Writing takes the words that would usually overflow from my mouth making conversations too long and puts them somewhere useful. It gives me time to process and reflect. To hear and record what God speaks. To appreciate, to cherish, to feel. When I stopped writing, a part of me felt in pain, hindered, stuffed up, muzzled, etc. From time to time I would write something be it a list, a schedule, letters (while substituting a kindergarten class) and for a moment feel lighter and like a spark was ready to ignite within a furnace that ran cold ages ago.
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Now, I've decided I'm tired of being afraid as though the world isn't already waiting for the moment of the next greatest slip up to chew someone up and spit them out into a pit of cancel culture, despair, and shame. I am easily judged for how I look, how and what I eat, what I wear, etc., and have been for a very long time. At this point, if you're not my God, I don’t care about what you say about my writing. I've learned from my mistakes and progressed in the world of academia. Now, I just want to write for God, for me and for you.
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Welcome, I hope to write to you soon.
